I really hate updating with depressing stuff. I shouldn't be depressed. It's pretty stupid actually. But I can't help it. I won't go into the details. Maybe, one day I can. I can't even do it on my livejournal. It's not like we had a relationship. I don't even know if she considered me a friend. There is one thing that I do know. I miss her. She made that place brighter than it ever was for me. She woke me up to things in myself that I never knew were there. And now, she's gone. I probably won't be much of a memory to her, but it will take a long time for this hurt to pass for me.

See, I told you it was stupid. This is only the second time in my life that I have fell for someone. And this was truly something else. For a brief period of time, I was awake. Maybe I can stay that way. At least for a little while.

I have called her a couple of times. I'm pretty sure she won't call me back. That's how I know that she didn't consider me a friend, just a co-worker. I do not mean that to say anything bad about her. On the contrary, I just fell under the radar. I'm like that most of the time. But she was always nice and decent to me. And I'll never forget her smile or her laugh. Or those blue eyes.

Thank you for what you did for me. You probably don't have any idea of it, but you brought me out of whatever funk I was in. And I will always be grateful for that. It will never be the same going into that place without seeing you there. Or hearing your voice. But I will just have to anyway. Damn, I already miss you.